"Prison Break": Why did I ever watch that show?

The girls at the salon where I get my hair cut love to talk about “Prison Break.” I try not to laugh as they excitedly discuss every ridiculous twist and turn like it was the most brilliant thing they’ve ever seen…

But I’ve got to believe that even they will be disappointed with what happened last night…

Because instead of one wild twist after another, we got an hour-long disappointment as each story was wrapped up quicker than the next with no regard for what came before it.

In other words, the writers were so busy trying to set the scene for next season that they forgot to wrap up this one…

Warning: The remainder of this post contains details about last night’s season finale of “Prison Break.”

I had always joked that season three would find everyone back in prison. I wish now I had kept my mouth shut. Personally, I think it would have made more sense to kill them all. At least we would have had some sense of closure.

Instead, the season ended with Michael in a scary Panamanian prison along with Bellick, and presumably T-Bag and Mahone. How did he get there? By taking the wrap for Mr. Kim’s murder—a murder Sarah committed. I find it interesting, though, that the Panamanian police arrested Michael for a crime they didn’t even know had been committed, since Mr. Kim’s body was in the water. And apparently there are no CSIs in Panama since Sarah would have the GSR on her hands…

And speaking of Sarah, because of the real-life pregnancy of her portrayer, Sarah Wayne Callies, she was forced to just disappear without explanation and without even trying to help the man she loved.

But as improbable as the entire Michael going to jail storyline was, it wasn’t even the worst part of the show. That award would go to the first five minutes…

There’s an expression I like to use called a “Quantum Leap” ending (It comes from the show “Quantum Leap,” when Sam would suddenly save the day in the last five minutes.) I use it to describe when a show spends entirely too much time building things up, only to give us a super quick happy ending that doesn’t always make sense.

But usually, that quick ending is given to a story that just began an hour ago. “Prison” gave us a “Quantum Leap” ending to a story we had followed for two years that had driven much of the story.

Instead of allowing Kellerman to spill all of his secrets on the stand at Sarah’s trial, we only got a handful of them. We know that he is the one that framed Lincoln, on the orders of then Vice-President Reynolds, but we have no idea why since we didn’t hear that part. We’re told that Kellerman had documentation, but what was it? We don’t know because we didn’t see it. Basically all we saw was a judge freeing Sarah (even though she helped the murderous T-Bag escape) and then a reporter telling us that Lincoln would be exonerated.

So why didn’t we hear the whole story of the conspiracy we tried to follow for two years? Honestly, I don’t think the writers knew what it was either…

But even with that, I could have been happy if the show had just ended with Lincoln, Michael and Sarah sailing off into the sunset. But with few non-“Idol” hits to speak of, FOX couldn’t let that happen. And I’m willing to bet that will cost them in the long-run…

Because there’s just nothing for the fans to stick around for. We’ve already seen Michael escape from jail once. What now? Lincoln will commit a crime to get in and bust him out? And why should we follow a new conspiracy when we didn’t get any answers to the first one?

I don’t think I’ll ever have to ask myself the question again of why am I still watching this show. After last night, the question will be, why did I ever watch that show?…

"Prison Break": You can't turn away...

My dad is a realist when it comes to his television viewing. That’s why he gave up on “24” after season two.

So I was pretty surprised to find out that my parents were still watching “Prison Break.”

“I guess it’s like a car accident,” my mom explained. “You just can’t look away.”

I couldn’t have said it better myself…

As you know, I can get pretty frustrated with “Prison.” And that frustration nearly boiled over two weeks ago when Michael’s tattoo came back into the picture. Agent Mahone was able to deduce that a tattoo of Christ in a rose represented Christina Rose (Get it?), the name of Michael’s mother. I couldn’t believe that he needed a tattoo to remember his mother’s name. It turned out to hide a lock combination on a boat called the Christina Rose, but it was lame just the same.

It’s usually 8:30 before I start yelling at the TV, but it came much earlier that week as around 8:15, I could be heard yelling, “Why am I still watching this show?”

And then, the show pulled out one of its classic cliffhangers to remind me of the answer to the question…

Just like my mom said, you can’t not watch…

Monday’s episode was a perfect example as each moment got wilder and wilder. And I found myself asking not why I was watching, but what in the world was going on.

If you missed it, here’s a quick recap to get you ready for Monday’s season finale…

The Company apprehended T-Bag and used him to set a trap for Michael and Lincoln in Panama. Michael fell for Mahone’s fake e-mail from Sucre and showed up; but then actually ran into Sucre, who was helping Bellick to learn where Bellick stashed Maricruz. Sucre begged Michael to help Bellick get the money from T-Bag and Michael agreed. The trio was able to get the drop on The Company guys, while Lincoln (who had followed Michael) got the drop on Mahone. But T-Bag led the trio into a trap when they were left alone with a dead prostitute (that T-Bag had killed) with the police on the way. Michael, Sucre and T-Bag got away, while Bellick was apprehended by the police.

Michael and Sucre captured T-Bag and planned to turn him over to the authorities, but T-Bag stabbed Sucre, causing Michael to wreck the car they were in. Michael waved a Good Samaritan down to help Sucre while he chased down T-Bag. Michael stabbed T-Bag in his good arm, pinning him to the ground, so the authorities could find him (which they did). Michael took the money and went back to the Christina Rose. He called the hospital to get news on Sucre, but Lincoln beeped in before he could find out anything. Only Lincoln was now in handcuffs after Mahone turned the tables on him. Mahone told Michael he could have Lincoln for the money.

Meanwhile, Kellerman (Paul Adelstein in a great performance) tried to commit suicide, but his gun jammed. He called his sister, who convinced him to do the right thing. Kellerman showed up in court to testify for Sarah, just as she was about to make a deal and plead guilty…

And if you think all of that sounds crazy, I can guarantee you ain’t seen nothin’ yet…

You see, the writers never intended for the show to go beyond two seasons. But now, “Prison” has been renewed for season three, making their plans go right out the window…

So what’s next? I doubt even they know…

Which means I definitely can’t turn away now…

The season finale of “Prison Break” airs Monday, April 2nd at 8 p.m. on FOX…

Picks of the Week: Mobsters, Movie Stars and Escaped Cons

For those of you who have HBO, this week marks the return of two of its most popular shows…

The final nine episodes of “The Sopranos” begin as the family celebrates Tony’s birthday. “The Sopranos” premieres Sunday, April 8th at 9 p.m. on HBO…

“Entourage” resumes its third season with a new agent guiding Vince’s career, played by Carla Gugino. “Entourage” premieres Sunday, April 8th at 10 p.m. on HBO…

But for those of us with basic channels, this week is all about the season finale of “Prison Break.” The craziest show on TV is poised to get even crazier. And you just know there’s going to be a whopper of a cliffhanger. For a catch-up, check out my post “Prison Break: You just can’t turn away." “Prison Break” airs Monday at 8 p.m. on FOX…

"Prison Break": So Much To Say...

I just wanted to post a quick note so the "Prison Break" fans out there wouldn't think I'd forgotten about them...

Because with only one episode left, there's plenty to say; and don't worry, I'll say it before next week's finale.

But feel free to post your thoughts in the meantime...

Why Am I Still Watching This Show?

Every Monday night around 8:30, I ask myself the same question. “Why am I still watching this show?”

But tonight, I actually got a decent answer as “Prison Break” gave us a twisted double whammy with the incredibly welcome return of Patricia Wettig as President Reynolds.

Warning: The remainder of this post contains details about tonight's "Prison Break."

I know I wasn’t the only one who was surprised to hear that the incriminating tape not only proved that Terrance Steadman was alive after Lincoln “killed” him, but it also proved an overly friendly brother-sister relationship, if you know what I mean. It was an outrageous twist, but Wettig played it beautifully. The torture in her eyes when she asked about his death was outstanding and just proved how sorely she’s been missed.

But because she’s becoming an even bigger part of “Brothers and Sisters,” you knew that they would have to get rid of her somehow. I just presumed that Kellerman would assassinate her, but having her “admit” to being terminal with cancer so she’d have to resign was a beautiful stroke.

Plus, the other storylines were good as well as Sucre found himself teaming up with Bellick and Franklin considered turning on Mahone, who bonded with Sarah.

I have no idea where the show is going in these last three episodes—although you can guarantee it will end in a cliffhanger—but I will be watching every minute. Because no matter how unrealistic and crazy the show gets, I just can’t help but tune in to see where they’re going to take it next.

I think it’s a sickness, really…

“Prison Break” returns March 19th at 8 p.m. on FOX…

Manic Monday Becomes Family Monday

Three different shows, all with the same theme—family.

[Warning: The remainder of this post discusses details of last night’s episodes of “Prison Break” and “Heroes.”]

Of course, “Prison Break” has always been about family since it’s about two brothers, but last night they threw in the touchy-feely story of Sucre pursuing Maricruz while bonding with a recent widower. Even Haywire got into the family act as we discovered his father was an abusive drunk when he defended a young woman from her own abusive father. It was actually the first time I cared Haywire was even on screen…

Happy family memories were not the order on “24” either as Jack discovered some bad things about his brother and father (more on that in another post)…

Finally (for me, anyway), “Heroes” was all about family as Nathan struggled to help Peter, D.L. tried to be a single dad, Matt started a new chapter with his wife, Claire found her real mom, and Hiro’s father worked to bring him home.

I have to say it was a bit of a disappointment that we all knew that Hiro’s father was coming on the show, because that could have been a classic “Heroes” cliffhanger. Thankfully, the surprise of seeing the flames come out of Claire’s mom’s fingers made up for it. And my theory of Linderman being her father is becoming more and more probable as the Haitian admitted he didn’t know Claire’s dad.

For me, “Heroes” has yet to make a false step, but I have a bad feeling it’s about to seriously tick me off as the previews give us the distinct impression that HRG may be about to die. All of the magazines, websites, etc., tell us that someone that has been with the show from the very beginning will die and now all the signs point to him—especially now that Eric Roberts is joining the cast (and no one does creepy better than him). I think HRG is a fantastic character and Jack Coleman is doing such a wonderful job with him (Hard to believe he was Steven on “Dynasty.”). I know that because of the nature of his character he can’t stay around forever, I was just hoping he’d be around a little longer.

After all, he’s part of my TV family…

Photos courtesy of Gannett News Service