"Wild Snake," or, "From Boredom With Love"

Real video game buffs know how to throw names around. I don't know any of them, making me a nerd lite, but I do know the basics. Billy Mitchell, Steve Weibe, Nobuo Uematsu, Takashi Tezuka, and, the man of the hour, Alexey Pajitnov.

For those of you who don't know, Pajitnov is the creator of Tetris, one of the greatest games ever to grace the world. He is the king of puzzle games. So a few weeks back, I was digging through a friend's collection of Super Nintendo games and came across Wild Snake.

Hmm, how best to describe Wild Snake. I suppose you could say that it's Tetris with snakes. See, Pajitnov didn't receive any royalties for the original Tetris. Thus, he needed to keep making different puzzle games like Welltris, Hatris, and of course, Wild Snake. Maybe I have an aversion to titles with the word "wild" in the title (see also Wild Guitar). But Wild Snake was a long, painful waste of time. A waste of time that I never wanted to end. Even when I wasn't playing, I was watching my friend play it. Behold, you may end up watching this entire video.

Wild Snake shouldn't be any fun. But then you just keep playing it. Eventually, with a voice full of pain, I cried out, "Why am I still playing Wild Snake?" Eventually, I crawled on all fours towards the SNES and, begrudgingly, turned it off. It's like being wrapped in a bunch of chains, but the chains are oddly fascinating. Still, it's not worth the mild entertainment and you need to break free from the chains - you know, the oppressive chains of Wild Snake.

Stephen Fry to Narrate "LittleBigPlanet"

There's a very good chance that you don't recognize this man. This is Stephen Fry. He's been on a few noteworthy programs: Extras, Bones, and one of my favorite comedies, Jeeves and Wooster. Perhaps more notably, he's the voice of the Harry Potter audiobooks.

Well, it looks like Hugh Laurie's old pal (yes, Hugh Laurie of House fame) is set to narrate the upcoming PS3 game LittleBigPlanet. Personally, I love the man as an actor and he has a magnificent voice. Plus, the game looks awesome. For more Stephen, check out his website.

"Mega Man 9" Box Art is Incredible

Right?

Thanks WiiWare World.

E3: More Trailers, Everybody

Did you think you were done looking at all the exciting new developments in gaming? Think again. Trailers!

The Sims 3



That's right, you're not done with The Sims. They'll never stop. Soon enough, you're going to have a pet Sim that speaks a different language and is mostly interested in making sure his bladder bar is low.

Gravity



Ah, a simple puzzle-type game. Hey everybody, ever hear of Crayon Physics Deluxe? When's that going to happen? It looks like somebody is just carpetbaggin' that creative wave.

Singularity



Hmm...a mysterious shooter, eh? We shall see.

Fatal Frame (Japanese trailer)



Ooh, a horror game for the Wii! And it's not Resident Evil? I'm liking the sound of that. Let's just hope the gameplay can rival what Capcom has set in order.

PixelJunk Eden



Finally, cute and artsy comes to the PlayStation 3. Maybe with this and Little Big Planet they can get an edge on the Wii.

There's also a great trailer for Afro Samurai, the video game based on the epic cartoon starring Samuel L. Jackson, but since it's in HD, you should probably just check it out here.

Street Fighter IV



Wow. That's awesome.

Wolfenstein



Takin' care of goose-steppers never went out of style. Let 'em hear it, ya howlers! WAH-HOOO!

Oh, and here's a much better trailer for Sonic Unleashed.



De Blob



Colors! The Wii! Fun!

Oh, and about Star Wars: The Force Unleashed. There were a lot of gameplay trailers for the game. There are so many that I don't know where to start. You should watch all of them here.

WWE: Legends of Wrestlemania (and I'll skip the other wrestling games)



Castlevania Judgment



Eh. By the way, what villain actually yells, "Submit!" Nobody does that! They yell much more scary things. I know. I've fought them.

That's all for now. Enjoy!

"I Am Alive" Trailer is Chilling

There's no doubt about it. There were way too many awesome trailers that emerged from E3. One of the most impressive things was the trailer for a game called I Am Alive, the latest project from Ubisoft and Jade Raymond, the developer of Assassin's Creed.

There are a few things that get me about this trailer. For one thing, the game isn't a sequel, which is a huge relief. Yes, Mega Man 9 and Street Fighter IV and the other dozens of sequels do look pretty good. But my biggest complaint (especially for Nintendo's conference) is the lack of new, original ideas.

I Am Alive takes place in Chicago after a natural disaster of tears the city apart. Frankly, I think the scariest part of the trailer is how realistic the city of Chicago looks while it's being ripped apart. When I watched it, I said "Oh man, isn't that right near where I go to pick up my friends?" It's absolutely chilling. Check it out.

E3: Some Wii Trailers

The trailers just don't stop. Have some more - Wii style, babies!

Clone Wars: Lightsaber Duels



This looks like it could be fun. Of course, like most Wii games, you'll look like a fool playing it, but perhaps it'll be a good lightsaber outlet.

Animal Crossing: City Folk



And now I give my lecture about the last Animal Crossing. I didn't like playing it. It made me feel obligated to get on and play it every day. When I didn't get on and play Animal Crossing in a few months, I got a lecture from everyone in my village. No thanks. I like playing games for fun, not computer-generated friendships (and the friends are needy).

Shaun White Snowboarding



Huh. Didn't they have a snowboarding game in arcades that let you, oh, stand on an actual board? I don't know. I'm not thrilled with what Nintendo has to offer. They need to come up with some new ideas that don't involve peripherals or overused characters. Fast.

E3: Trailers!

There are so many new trailers to go over. Here are a few that I'm pretty excited about.

Ghostbusters: The Video Game



Final Fantasy XIII



Sonic Unleashed



Banjo Kazooie: Nuts & Bolts



LEGO Batman



Viva Pinata: Trouble in Paradise



Resident Evil 5



Fable 2



Gears of War 2



Marvel: Ultimate Alliance 2 Fusion



Prince of Persia: Next Gen

E3: The Netflix News

I've mentioned a few times the hush-hush word about a possible Xbox/Netflix fusion plan. Well it has finally been officially announced. Some clever hackers had already come up with a way to do this, but now it has been made completely user friendly. Check it out.

This comes on the heels of other things that are all a part of the new Xbox experience. Translation: I need to buy one for my new apartment.

So Much...Happening...In Gaming News Today...

Today is day two of E3. The biggest gamer's conference in the country. There are so many new trailers, game announcements, and cool things going on today that I can't promise comprehensive coverage. But I'll try my best to give you what I feel merits some worthy attention.

Mega Man Back in 8 Bit!

I like that the gaming industry is starting to wise up and realize that they need to go back to square one. There's a reason why people still play the original Mario games and Mega Man games. But instead of just going back to the original format, Capcom are taking it a step further. They're going back to the bare bones of graphics: 8-bit!

Mega Man 9 will be released for WiiWare, Xbox Live Arcade, and the PlayStation Network. There are over a dozen new levels and 50 new enemies to battle. What's more, the character designs are being directed by Keiji Inafune, the original character designer of Mega Man. Oh, and did I mention the announcement of the first ever female boss? Authentic, new, and awesome. Can't wait.

New Wario Game - First Gameplay Videos

I'm a total sucker for a lot of things that, ultimately, are more addictive than good. That list includes Pringles, funk music, and platform games.

The aforementioned Wario game for the Wii, entitled Wario Land: Shake It! is set to release at the end of September. The first gameplay videos have been released. Here's a sample.

After playing a lot of Mario and Donkey Kong platformers last week, this looks refreshing. It looks like the first instance of a Wii game where the point isn't "utilize the Wii's unique control system to blah-blah-blah!" I just want a straightforward platform game. This could be the answer.

Also, if you want to watch the opening sequence (in Japanese, of course), you can check it out here.

"Donkey Kong Country" - Environmentally Conscious?

My friend Ymir and I decided to take one day and beat all of Donkey Kong Country for the SNES. I don't know what possessed us to do it (other than sheer boredom), but we did that very thing. We beat the game. It was an accomplishment for me - I'd never done it before. With two players, though, it's hard to lose. What's the secret? Go back to the first level and unearth 30 lives or more before flying back to the fourth world's boss. Continue with that method and you'll win soon enough.

But as we were playing the game, I noticed something that I hadn't noticed when I played it as a child. There was something peculiar about where Donkey and Diddy Kong's enemies were choosing to fight. One level was essentially an oil factory. Barrels of oil were on fire and the place looked hazy and polluted. The animal creatures around the level all looked angry and rabid. But surely, this can't be a commentary of any kind.

Then we played the next level called "Poison Pond." Huh. The water was green and hazy and the level was located next to the oil level. The polluted fish looked sullen and almost sick. There were spinning machines in the water, probably tripling the amount of emissions going on under the water. Observe.

Was Donkey Kong Country trying to teach me a subtle lesson about industrial pollution vs. the natural world? I mean, it's not like the pollution is off on its own. It's mingling with jumping alligators and wide-eyed gophers and barrel-throwing orangutans. There are gorillas and squids swimming in the poisoned pond.

I guess it's true. One of my favorite games from childhood was a lesson in environmental science. It was two steps away from teaching me about the bushmeat crisis.

On one hand, I'm glad Donkey Kong Country and the people at Rare and Nintendo weren't afraid to subtly include a pretty heavy-handed topic. On the other hand, it was kind of funny. As we played "Poison Pond," I kept acting out the dialogue between Donkey and Diddy Kong. Here's a sample (and imagine the smooth, Enya-like song that goes on during the underwater levels of Donkey Kong Country).

Diddy (in a voice that should resemble Short Round of Temple of Doom fame): Mr. Kong, why is there a dead fish in the bottom of the pond?
Donkey (in a sagely, wise old man voice): No one can really know for sure, Diddy, but it's safe to say that the fish probably met his demise from the hands of pollution.
Diddy: Pollution? What's that?
Donkey: Pollution is truly the greatest evil of all. Greater than that of King K. Rool himself. You see, young one, when a big oil company or factory lets off too many emissions, it affects the natural environment surrounding it.
Diddy: Like this pond?
Donkey: Exactly.

We beat the game, and then I set out into the woods and planted a tree. The end.

"Mario Party" and My Lack of Luck Therein

Look at that face. Ain't it adorable? That's the face of luck, ladies and gents.

I should explain. I played a few variations of Mario Party over the weekend. It started with 4 and 5, where I lost miserably both times as Luigi. I played each game, ending with no stars and four coins (in Mario Party, the player with the most stars is the winner). And then my friends popped in Mario Party 7. I did lose again this time, but by a much thinner margin. I blame Toadette, Toad's lady friend and my character of preference in Mario Party.

It started as a joke. I knew I would lose, so I figured I'd be the cutesiest, girliest, silliest character. Throughout I made a lot of jokes, but then something magical happened. I started winning. By the grace of Toadette's cutesy appearance, I was winning for a few turns. I ended up in second place, but still, I at least held a victory for part of the game. I didn't mind losing - I had found a lucky character.

That's the first lesson I've learned about Mario Party. Be superstitious. If you play well as Waluigi or Dry Bones, play as one of them. If you play well as Toadette, then by all means, play as Toadette. Personally, I had no luck as Peach or Luigi in the other games, so I'll stick to a game where I can utilize Toadette.

Also, be sure to play to your strengths. I'm lousy at mini-games (other than the puzzle games that represent Tetris or something) and I'm ultimately not all that lucky (unless I'm playing as Toadette). Thus, I always try to come up with a strategy of sorts - maneuver myself closer to the star, duel with people, the like. It doesn't normally work, but I try.

Finally, you must remember the most vital rule of winning at Mario Party. Don't be nice. I'm awful at this rule, considering most of the time I play Mario Party with my closest friends. Thus, I don't want to be a jerk and steal their win out from under them. But if you really want to win Mario Party, be merciless. Lie, cheat, and steal your way to the top. You'll win the game, but you'll probably temporarily lose some respect. Oh well. You take the good with the bad.

I'm glad I found my compatibility with Toadette. It gives me an edge against the competition. I just hope it lasts.

My Video Game Fishing Vacation

As I mentioned before, I took a hiatus to celebrate the birth of America. That was only half true. In all actuality, I decided to take a brief vacation up in Yuma, Michigan, where my friend's father belongs to a fishing camp. I never fished, but I did do my fair share of wading through rivers and trekking through overgrown forests.

So what does this have to do with video games? Well, with limited technology and no phone service, there were only two familiar, non-nature outlets for entertainment - a GameCube and a Super Nintendo. Don't get me wrong, I didn't spend the entire time shacked up in the cabin while everybody else was out jumping cliffs and the like. I did my fair share of adventure time. Still, my idea of "vacation" leans a little closer to staying inside and playing video games for five hours in a row.

It's interesting. When you spend enough time with a particular video game, you learn something from it. Thus, I'm going to take the next few days to explore the various lessons my friends and I have learned from my games of choice over the course of the weekend. Here's a preview of the posts to come (in the style of Bill Cosby in Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids).

- The kids learn how to play to their strengths on Mario Party.
- The boys learn that there's more to Donkey Kong Country than he had previously noted.
- In a rut of frustration and eagerness, Evan and the gang learn when cheating is necessary in Paperboy 2.
- The boys realize that they're wasting their lives playing a game by the creator of Tetris entitled Wild Snakes.
- It looks like old Evan has met his match when he realizes that his girlfriend is way better at Super Mario Kart.

Well it looks like the kids had some fun, and hey, they may have even learned something along the way. Hey hey hey!

Brief Holiday Break

Hello faithful reader. I won't be updating for a few days due to my celebration of the birth of America. Happy Independence, all!