Guitar Hero 3: The Way It Should Be

If there's one thing we, the managers of Blog: The Video Game, love as much as video games, it's music. Thus, it should be clear why almost universally, one of our favorite games of all time is Guitar Hero. We spent countless evenings warping our eyes, staring intently at multicolored notes flying towards us on rails. We conquered every song on expert. We started a faux Guitar Hero band. Yeah, we were fans.

It was with great expectations that we looked forward to Guitar Hero II, and in many ways it fulfilled those expectations. Certain songs were legendary - Jessica, Sweet Child O' Mine, and Tonight I'm Gonna Rock You, to name a few. However, for each amazing song, there was a turd. Institutionalized. Who Was In My Room Last Night. Freya. Laid to Rest. The good songs were good. The bad songs went unplayed.

To avoid such an incident with Guitar Hero 3, Evan and I have set forth to educate Neversoft (the new owners of the franchise) into what makes a good Guitar Hero song.

Also, we'll link all of the songs to their appropriate YouTube videos. Not the best quality music, to be sure, but it works.


A Look at the Recently Announced Songs

Paint it Black - The Rolling Stones: You know this song, I guarantee it. Did you play Twisted Metal Black? It's the theme song for that game, and arguably one of the most recognizable rock songs ever. It begs the question - will there be a special Sitar peripheral that comes with the game? Or will we have to buy it separately?

Cherub Rock - The Smashing Pumpkins: I've never been a huge fan of the Smashing Pumpkins. I dodged the grunge bullet by mere centimeters. However, the song rocks hard enough, and has a fabulous bridge, with soaring fuzzy guitar hits and a catchy main riff.

Sabotage - Beastie Boys: One of the few Pre-Hello Nasty tunes of theirs that I know, and one of the most exciting tracks they've announced so far. Expect lots of singing along when you play this gem. Bring your own fake mustache.

The Metal - Tenacious D: (Not the best video, sorry.) A strange choice. Out of the D's extensive repertoire, why pick The Metal? Why not one of their incredibly popular earlier songs, Tribute? Wonderboy? I know the Metal has the right attitude (and some incredibly fast licks), but give me Explosivo any day.

My Name is Jonas - Weezer: I'm not a huge Weezer fan, so it's sort of lost on me, but the intro riff should be pretty tough to play. Man, if they had only gotten "El Scorcho" I'd be on board.

Knights of Cydonia - Muse: Since the announcement of this epic gem, I've had visions, fantasies of playing through it. I'll pop the song on iTunes, and try to picture those multicolored buttons flying towards me. It's going to be the most fun song to play, ever, if Neversoft doesn't screw up the remake.

Rock and Roll All Nite - Kiss: I'm lukewarm on Kiss. Well, no I'm not, they're a sucky has-been rock band with a mindless army of goons who, for some reason or another, support their sucky music. But, I guess they are a staple in the rock industry, so a song of theirs popping up on Guitar Hero is inevitable.

School's Out - Alice Cooper: I'm gonna go ahead and vote this one "Song Most Likely To Send Jack Thompson Into a Rage." You know this one, we all know this one - but I for one had forgotten how many fantastic guitar parts there are in this song. I'm looking forward to it.

Slow Ride - Foghat: Seems like a level one song - Not too fast with few challenging riffs. Not my favorite song on the list so far, but easily one of the most recognizable.

Cult of Personality - Living Colour: I always hated the lyrics to the song. They make negative sense. However, this isn't lyric hero, and the guitar part in this song is insane.

Barracuda - Heart: Yes please. If you don't think Heart, and particularly this song, rocks, then you can leave. Hit that little X button in the top right corner of your screen. Everything about this song, the solos, the jogging guitar throughout, and the inevitable singing along - will make it one of the stand-out songs on GH3.


Songs Griffin Would Like To See In GH3

Paranoid Android - Radiohead: Other than the obvious licensing issues, I can't fathom why this song hasn't been featured yet. It just rocks so hard, to levels of extremity that most scientists can't measure with the latest advancements in rock measuring technology.

Black Dog - Led Zeppelin: Zeppelin is notoriously hesitant to lend out their songs to anyone, for anything. I hope that Neversoft can write a check bigger than the sun to convince them to share - because this little gem would be mind-blowing.

Who Are You - The Who: If they used the original master tape for the audio, it would be awesome. Otherwise, well, as we can see with the zombie remains of The Who that still tour today - you really can't top the original.

More Than Words - Extreme: No, I'm not joking. Who says that songs on Guitar Hero have to be gutbucket hard rock? Extreme knows how to make sweet love to an acoustic guitar - and for that, they should be featured in GH3.

I Will Survive - Cake: Amazing bass and guitar tracks coincide to create this rock cover masterpiece. I think this could be the one song on GH3 where the bass guitar takes center stage - that's why I'm picking it over another of Cake's more guitar-heavy tracks (see: The Guitar Man, which would also be an amazing song for GH3.)

Rock You Like a Hurricane - Scorpions: It's important that you actually watch this video. It will change your life. At first you'll wonder if they're making fun of 80's metal videos, but then your realize, no, it really is an amalgam of every hilariously unfortunate music video trend in the 80s. Oh, and it would blow doors down on GH3.

For Those About To Rock (We Salute You) - AC/DC: The only song of theirs I can think of that would be playable with human hands, and not the celestial digits of some sort of guitar-robot-seraph. Although Thunderstruck would make a legendary boss fight song (ala Freebird).

Ballroom Blitz - The Sweet: One of my favorite classic rock songs ever, has some pretty fun riffs that would translate well to GH. Fantastic bass line too. No reason not to include this one.

I Believe in a Thing Called Love - The Darkness: I think I'm the only person on Earth who still loves this song. I know it got annoying like, two summers ago, when it got more radio play then TLC, but the guitar solos on this song are one of a kind. Save your star power for the ending, kids.

Vasoline - Stone Temple Pilots: God, what an awesome, thrashing song. It just never lets up - I can imagine fingers falling off the bone after the completion of this beast on expert. It's slightly repetitive, but so was "Killing In The Name" on GH2.

Aside - The Weakerthans: There once was a time where I called this my favorite song ever. I realize now that that honor goes to "Ignition: Remix" by R. Kelly. Anyways, this fast paced indie-rock anthem would be a great addition to the GH collection.


Songs Evan Wants To See In GH3

Friction – Television: An extremely underrated band. This song rocks too hard, almost.

Heartbreaker / Living Loving Maid - Led Zeppelin: My favorite Zep songs, and the two riffs that get stuck in my head every time I think about…yeah, there they are. These songs are always played back to back on the radio and should appear that way in the game.

Shoot to Thrill – AC/DC: It was between this and "For Those About to Rock" or "Hell's Bells."

Duncan Hills Coffee Jingle – Dethklok: I can't get enough of the men of Metalocalypse.

Ether – Gang of Four: This song is one of the greatest post-punk tracks of all time. Great bass line, great guitar part.

The Wolf is Loose – Mastodon: Mastodon is my favorite metal band. They rock so very hard.

Debaser – Pixies: The bass line! The guitar line! The chorus! This song is monstrously fun.

Dimension – Wolfmother: This song is much better than Woman. The chorus line is wonderful. It's so simplistic, yet so fantastic.

Run Run Run – the Velvet Underground: There are two guitar parts, one rhythm and one lead (which would make for some great multiplayer action). There are some really Dick Dale-esque solo lines. It would be fun and challenging.

Sweet Home Chicago – Robert Johnson: Okay, so the blues haven't been properly represented on Guitar Hero, and I think this song is recognizable enough to be accepted. It has great opportunities for solos and a timeless introduction line.

A Legal Matter – the Who: It's an old Who song, it's a Townshend number, and it isn't as recognizable as Baba O'Riley or Who Are You or anything like that. It would make for an entertaining beginner song, but it also has some of those classic bluesy Townshend lines.


There are more. So many more - countless songs that could be instant Guitar Hero classics. In fact, odds are that none of our suggestions will be on the final version of the game - and the game will still rock. Here's hoping that the new owners of the franchise know what they're doing when it comes to song choices (looking at the choices they've already made, I'd say they're doing just fine.)

Just steer away from the Creed, guys.

Everybody, Get Down With A Free For All

The other day, at my place of business, my new co-worker David energetically announced that he had, in fact, recently formed a rap group, and asked me to check out some of their stuff. At first glance, David doesn't seem like one to pull an 8 Mile - but upon inspection of the group's first single - "Free For All", I stand corrected. White boys, can in fact, drop mad knowledge, even if said knowledge concerns the possible characters available in Super Smash Bros. Brawl.

Check them out. They might just blow your mind. "Free For All" is an instant smash hit. "Senior Thesis" might amuse you, if you went to Covenant, the Alma Mater of the Covenauts (and the inspiration for their band's name.)

"Crash Bandicoot doesn't need to be doing anything."

9 vs. 19 - Volume 1

I've been writing a video game column since 1995 for the Herald-Dispatch. If you do the math, that means I've been reviewing video games since I was a humble 7-year-old with my brother and dad. We did, however, get a break between 1996 and 2000. In the recent past, I went off to college and dad has gone it alone. All that aside, I found my dad's portfolio of all our old video game columns, dating back from '95-'04. Thus, I figured start this column.

The point of this isn't to go back and make fun of a younger and more naive Evan Minsker (although there will be plenty of that). It's to look back and see how these old games hold up today. So now it's time to see how 19-year-old Evan's opinion holds up against 9-year-old Evan's opinion (although actually I'm probably older or younger than that; I honestly just liked the title a lot).


So in this volume of 9 vs. 19, I re-reviewed "Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 2," the PlayStation classic (PS1, mind you). The original review was published January 19, 2001 (I was actually 13, but like I said, 13 vs. 19 just doesn't sound as cool).

Past Evan: This is a great game. From the high flying tricks to the challenging game play, it's awesome.
Present Evan: Now hold on, past Evan. The game play isn't honestly challenging, it's frustrating. The later Tony Hawk games compensate for the constant crashing with features to make you straighten out your landing before you fall on your face. Also, the revert button and manuals and many new tricks that they invented later made the games much more complex and fun.
Past Evan: In order to get money to buy stuff for your character, you need to start a career. Then you can earn money by performing tricks!
Present Evan: Well isn't someone enthusiastic? There's more to it than performing tricks. It's a frustrating battle of finding letters and barrels and wings and hall passes (and various stuff like that). Some of the tasks are just tedious, unnecessary, and at times, far too easy.
Past Evan: "Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 2" is one of the coolest games I've ever played.
Present Evan: Okay, you've got me there. It was a pretty cool game. Especially for its time.

This game actually holds up quite well today. It's still very addictive, it's still a lot of fun, and the nostalgia rushed straight to my head when I heard the soundtrack. Ah, middle school. Three years that I never want to see again, and yet I was so in love with Bad Religion, Rage Against the Machine, Millencollin, and that song by Anthrax and Public Enemy.

As you could probably guess, the graphics are sub par, but were amazing at the time.
Why is it that Bob Burnquist looks like a chunky tourist going on a jungle safari?

But if you have a copy of this lying around, please throw it in your PlayStation/PS2/PS3 and rediscover why you liked it in the first place. Forget about the new Tony Hawk games. It's actually pretty nice to rediscover the roots of the franchise.

Two Reasons to Get Excited

The internet has been down in my apartment for the past few days. I live on the 13th floor, and the excuse I received from my ISP is that, "it's hard for the internet to travel up so high."

While I was out, two big things happened.

ONE - The Super Smash Bros. Dojo website launched. It's supposedly going to be updated every weekday, with character announcements, level designs, music updates, and gameplay revelations. Like a slow-drip coffee filter; we will soon have a large cup brimming with piping hot Nintendo combat.

TWO - The new Trailer for Assassin's Creed.



Anachronistic? Maybe.

Delicious?

Guitar Hero III initial set list

After announcing "Guitar Hero Encore: Rocks the '80s," it looks like the good people at Red Octane were anxious to keep with the good news. On top of "Rocks the '80s" and "Rock Band," we can all look forward to the next installment of "Guitar Hero III" (although it hasn't been officially named, yet).

And are the initial song announcements good?

• Paint it Black - The Rolling Stones
• Cherub Rock - The Smashing Pumpkins
• Sabotage - Beastie Boys
• The Metal - Tenacious D
• My Name is Jonas - Weezer
• Knights of Cydonia - Muse
• Rock and Roll All Nite - Kiss
• School's Out - Alice Cooper
• Slow Ride - Foghat
  
• Cult of Personality - Living Colour
• Barracuda - Heart

Word. The more Heart the better, I always say. What's that Nancy Wilson? Turn it up?

The game will be released on four platforms: the 360, the PS3, the PS2, and the Wii.

I'll spare you from any puns that I was considering using coinciding with the lyrics to Heart's "Magic Man." But get ready, kids, because this sounds tasty. And the best part? This is only the first announcement.

Awesome Packaging Alert!

Are you a sucker for special editions? Do you love extra things with your DVDs or video games? Is the metal box the end all of awesome boxes in your opinion? Most importantly, are you a fan of the coveted "Grand Theft Auto" series?

Well get ready, friend, because the much anticipated "Grand Theft Auto IV" is coming out Special Edition style.

What does that mean for the buyer?
- A customized GTA metal safe deposit box packaging
- An art book, featuring production art for the game
- Soundtrack CD (!)
- A Rockstar keychain to go with the keys to your safe deposit box
- And what special edition is complete without a duffel bag.

So Rockstar/duffel bag fans, get ready. On October 16, your dreams of combining your two loves will be realized. Expect the content to be awesome, but the price to be significantly less awesome.

Trailervision - Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End

Wait a minute, I've seen them before.



Oh my God.

Pintel and Ragetti = Bulk and Skull. CONSPIRACY REVEALED!

New Transformers game to feature movie talent

When "Spider-Man 3," "Lord of the Rings," and, well, almost any game based on a major film is released, it features the voice talent of some of the biggest actors in the business. Enter "TRANSFORMERS," where the story isn't different.

The game features the voice talent of Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, Peter Cullen, and Frank Welker.

I would be a liar if I were to say that I wasn't anxious about this game. Not only am I excited about the movie, but a new "TRANSFORMERS" game has a lot of potential.

The game seems to have a "Knights of the Old Republic" style mode where you can decide to be good or evil. And you can play as Optimus Prime? Fingers crossed, everybody, because this could be good.

The game is going to be released for the three major systems (PS3, 360, Wii) and some of the B-teamers (PC, PS2, PSP, DS).

But the important part? Check out the trailer and bask in what you still admire from your childhood.

Dragon's Lair goes Blu-ray

Dirk the Daring is back, and ready for some sweet, High Definition action.

That's right, Digital Leisure, who has brought us a few laserdisc ports to DVD, including Thayer's Quest, Mad Dog McCree, and the overwhelmingly terrible Shadoan, is revitalizing the classic Dragon's Lair franchise for the Blu-ray format.

According to a recent press release, the studio went through the original footage frame by frame, and updated the image into HD. What do cartoons look like in HD, anyways? They also enhanced the sound to 5.1 Surround Sound.

The game will be available June 15, in most software retailers across the country. If you're a little anxious to start saving Princess Daphne, you can order the game online at Digital Leisure's website.

I'd pick one up if I had a PS3 (which, by the way, it's compatible with. Obviously.) Now, Digital Leisure, get to work on an updated version of Time Traveler.

"YOU'VE RUN OUT OF TIME REVERSAL CUBES!"

'Crash of the Titans' set to release, Zeus weeps

Sierra Entertainment announced today "Crash of the Titans." No, it isn't a take on "Clash of the Titans." Not without making it impure with the addition of everybody's favorite console character, Crash Bandicoot!

Yes, I thought we were done with him, too.

For every Mario and Sonic there's a Crash or a Spyro. This guy just keeps coming back. And this game just looks like his most incredible move yet.

It looks like Crash's enemies Neo and Nina are mutating local creatures into titanic beings, so Crash has to do battle with them. Unfortunately.

The game is set to release for the Wii, 360, PS2 (he ain't ready for 3 yet), PSP, and the Game Boy Advance in the autumn.

So let's review: a character who rivals no one in originality and sheer awesomeness, a spin-off of a classic tale/idea/movie, and some outrageous moves on the part of every one's favorite bandicoot? This game is sure to be one to look forward to! Oh wait...

Nintendo UK Gets Ready for Mario Football Title, Americans Scratch Heads

So if you didn't catch on, the European Wii title "Mario Strikers Charged Football" is, after all, a European title. Hence, the game is actually a soccer game by American standards, much like the previous "Mario Strikers" title for the GameCube.

Ah, but the plot thickens.

The game will be online, so people who purchase the UK release will be able to play against people across Europe, so now gamers can actually (enter World Cup pun here).

The game looks like your average Mario spin-off sports game (see Kart, Golf, Tennis, Curling - okay I only wish that last one was real). It takes all of your favorite characters in the Mario realm and teams them up in multi-player action. With a tournament mode and a multiplayer mode, the game looks like it'll be...well...just like the last one but with a different control system.

Strikers Charged Football will be released May 25 in Europe. The game will have a US release on July 2.

Irrelevant fun facts!
- The game will be the first Wii online game in Europe or Australia!
- It is the first game to be rated E10+ (Everyone 10+)!
- Expect an appearance from that zany Donkey Kong!
- This game is classified as a sports game!
- Exclamation points show emphasis, but did you also know that they accentuate sarcasm?!

Kickin' it Like Danny Tanner, or Adventures in Summer Cleaning

So I'm not a McElroy. Just thought I'd get that out of the way. For those of you who have been reading Blog: The Video Game, you're probably familiar with Justin and Griffin, both of the McElroy persuasion. I'm Evan Minsker. Where I don't bear the McElroy moniker, rest assured I have known them for a solid 17 or 18 years of my 19 years living. But none of this is important.

I've been playing video games for a very long time. Thus, cleaning the house normally means finding remnants of my TV-driven childhood. Today, after cleaning out some drawers of a table that we're getting rid of, I found some books of my middle school years. To give you an idea of the non-Seuss literature that I was exposed to as a child, here were my findings.

1. Perfect Dark: The Official Nintendo Power Player's Guide - Ah Perfect Dark. I remember you well. I remember expecting for you to make Goldeneye: 007 look awful in comparison. And yes, you were fun, but let's be honest for a moment. When playing Goldeneye, you could shoot a box or a table and it would explode. Anything would explode. In Perfect Dark, you didn't get such luxuries. 'Twas a shame. Let's read an excerpt from this timeless classic, shall we?

"Are you afraid of the dark? You should be. The finest agent the Carrington Institute has ever produced is about to embark on her first mission, and she didn't earn the nickname 'Perfect' for her social skills."

I won't put you through the other puns relating to the words 'perfect' or 'dark.'

2. The Legend of Zelda Majora's Mask: Prima's Official Strategy Guide - Well, it looks like they're all N64 strategy guides. Hmm...awesome 3D maps inside, sealed secrets section, lots of secrets and things it seems. Well this book was obviously not utilized to its fullest capacity since I stopped halfway through the game. I clearly preferred Ocarina of Time. Although this game did introduce Tinkle, the face of gaming masculinity.


3. WWF No Mercy: Prima's Official Strategy Guide - Seemingly the most unnecessary book of the bunch. I remember liking this game because you could create your own characters and make them fight against your favorite wrestlers. And win. Somehow. But upon closer inspection of this book, it just tells you how to perform your character's signature moves...which you could clearly find in the game itself. So this is a formal apology to my parents for probably asking them to buy me this. It was clearly a waste of their money.

I dread finding any more of these in my adventures in cleaning. The guilt will probably be too much.

Halo 3 Beta Impressions

(Keep in mind, the game which I am writing about is in it's beta phase, meaning not yet ready for retail release. I am one of many consumers who purchased Crackdown to get in on the early testing of Halo 3, and as such, certain features of the game, be they negative or legendary, may not be present in the final version. I just thought I'd let you know how the game works in it's adolescence, in a neat bulleted list.)

1. Halo 3 has changed up the traditional Halo controls that stayed the same throughout the first two games, but ever so slightly. The left and right bumpers replace the cumbersome and nigh-unreachable black and white buttons on the original Xbox controller, improving their functionality. The right bumper has taken over most of the controls of the X button: climbing into vehicles, picking up weapons, reloading, etc. The X button, in turn, is used to deploy "equipment", a new addition to Halo 3. Equipment includes items such as the bullet-blocking bubble shield, the shield-diminishing energy drainer, and the portable jump lift.

The left bumper is used to change grenade types. There are three types now, and you can only carry two of each (from what I've seen, perhaps there is a way to modify that number in personal matches.) Added to the Frag Grenade and Sticky Plasma Grenade (traditional Halo fare) is the "Nail Grenade" or "Spike Grenade", a homemade-looking bomb which can stick to walls (or other players, or vehicles) that sends spikes flying in all directions upon detonation. It's absolutely devastating to a crowded room of enemies (or friends, for that matter.)

Also, when dual wielding two pistols, the two bumpers correspond to their individual hands. Left bumper reloads the left weapon, right bumper reloads the right weapon. It's possible to never leave yourself vulnerable while reloading, a feature not present in previous Halo titles. These are small changes, but their effect on gameplay is very positive.

2. The new weapons and equipment help even the field. In Halo 2, if two men enter a room, and one is more skilled than the other, he will always win. No question. This is why I stopped playing Halo, I fell behind the curve, and couldn't survive more than a few seconds. However, with the implementation of equipment, which can greatly enhance your survivability, and heavy weapons (such as the removable turret or the rocket pod, which are incredibly powerful but slow you down significantly), it seems like anyone can hold their own on the battlefield, provided they get the drop on their prey.

3. The Spartan Laser is simply the most satisfying weapon ever fired. It's a giant laser that you have to charge for a few seconds, but if you are looking at someone when the weapon is charged, they vanish as a pillar of red light splits the world in two. You can almost hear their look of fear over the XBox Live Communicator.



4. Certain weapons seem to have been nerfed (made less powerful.) Including, but not limited to: The Brute Shot (it takes about 4 direct hits to kill), the Ghost (a bit slower, and the laser cannons aren't quite as powerful) and grenades on a whole (the blast radius has been reduced, and you can only carry 2 of each type.) Oh, and the Needler and Assault Rifle are still useless.

5. That weapon I referred to as the "Gunblade Jr." in a previous post? It's called a Spiker, and it rules.

6. The Man Cannon. The greatest name for anything, ever. It's a sort of gravity lift mounted on both bases in the "Valhalla" level (a re-recreation of Blood Gulch). It fires anyone who steps into it halfway across the level. It's a rush. But that's not the only thing you can do with it; my friend Patrick, who is far more creative than I am, started throwing explosive barrels into the cannon, firing them into unsuspecting players midfield. Awesome.

7. Smack Talk still exists, even in beta. Getting killed by someone right before capturing the flag is infuriating. Getting killed by someone right before capturing the flag, and then listening to their screaming, prepubescent laughter... that's an echelon of anger I've never reached before. I reached GRRRvana.

8. We beta players broke the internet. Take this with a grain of salt, considering that it's just beta, but the connection issues are plentiful. Loading into a game takes a while, and there will be times where you won't be able to access the matchmaking at all. I'm hoping these problems are beta-related, as they could seriously hamper the Halo experience after launch.

9. Oh yeah, you can make your own Halo films with the Theater Lobby. Just play a game, and right after, you can save a video of the game on the 360 Hard Drive. In the final version, you'll be able to "direct", i.e. change camera angles or slow down footage. This is an awesome feature, but I can't really imagine a situation where I want to spend an afternoon sitting back, watching XxPwnDoNkEYXx23's greatest sniper shots.

By and large, it's fantastic. There are things that put me off, but most of these things are engineered specifically for the beta, like the inability to choose your game type, and the limited number of levels. So, it really is early on in the game's development - but you'll be glad to know that everything's looking (and playing) really, really well.

Halo 3 Dated

We're moments away from the Halo 3 beta being available for download - and Bungie drops a shocker.

Halo 3, which was originally slated for a November release (according to most gaming retailers), will arrive on U.S. shelves September 25th, while the European release drops the following day.

Now, if they can deliver on this beta in a timely fashion, I'll be super impressed. However, with millions of speculative downloaders, I'll be surprised if we don't break the series of tubes that make up the internets.

Free XBox Live Arcade Title Available for Download Tomorrow

Aegis Wing, a new 2D side-scrolling space shooter developed by three Microsoft interns, will be available for download for XBox Live Arcade tomorrow, for the price of... free.

Up to four people (either locally or over XBox Live) can hop in and fight against the evil Araxians and save the planet Europa. Players can combine their ships to create larger, more powerful ships, with the ability to use "Super Weapons".

While the idea of living out my sweetest Voltronesque fantasies excites me to no end, I'm anxious to see what kinds of control consequences this mechanic will see during game play.

"No, XxCosbyFanXx, don't waste all our ammo!"
"I like-a shoot the lasers, Rudy."

Trailervision - Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Okay, not a trailer per se, but a neat little video talking about the atmosphere of the new game:



I'm really excited about the fact that this Harry Potter title is being made by people who have actually read and love the books - something I think was seriously lacking in the previous titles. I remember my disappointment in playing Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, where I spent most of my time flipping over little trolls and collecting Jelly Beans. Yeah, I liked that game better when it was called A Boy and His Blob.


SICK BURN!

Sweet, nougat filled Haloey treats

With the Halo 3 beta starting in two days (for everyone who bought the appropriate copies of Crackdown), I thought I would make this post, if anything, for my own anticipation. How hot is that video though? I'm almost glad I've stayed in the dark about this game - every time I see a new video, there's some piece of equipment I'd never heard of before. Those pistols with blades on the ends of them? Freakin' sweet. I call 'em Gunblade Juniors.

More, so many more videos are available at GameTrailers.

It's time for another...

Creating another chapter in the incredibly successful RPG series Parasite Eve.

Creating another chapter in the incredibly successful RPG series Parasite Eve, and then releasing it for cell phones.

Unfortunately enough for us fans of the series... Square Enix has a very, very bad idea.

2 New Wii Games announced, Wii-related injuries likely to escalate in hilarity

Two new games announced today for the Nintendo Wii:

Project Rygar by Tecmo

Not just a port of the PS2 title, in fact, Project Rygar's freshness is clear in the game's motto: "New Hero. New Enemies. Swing Action." The gameplay is supposedly centered around the Wii remote's capabilities. With the force one flings their faux-Diskarmor (the main weapon in the game, a sort of deadly shield attached to your wrist by a chain), I can only imagine how many plasma screen TV's will be smited (smitten?) in the name of Hades.


Soulcalibur Legends by Namco Bandai

Seems to be a far cry from the previous Soulcalibur titles - as it's not a fighting game, but a "third-person action adventure" title. It too is based around the Wiimote controls, and will feature familiar characters from the Soulcalibur franchise in a completely original story.

Every time I get disheartened about the lack of Wii releases, a day like this happens. Let's just hope that these games get release dates soon, unlike other Wii titles I've looked forward to in the past (cough cough Super Mario Galaxy or Smash Brothers or Metroid cough cough).

Video Game News Digest - 05/10/07

Kind of a slow news day in the gaming world today, I'll try to compile it down into a bite-size format. Sorta like Reader's Digest, but with less survival stories of people who were attacked by Kodiak bears.

1. Lorenzo Carcaterra, New York Times best-seller of Sleepers fame, is on board with Atari to write the script for Alone in The Dark. Wait, wait... Lorenzo wrote Sleepers, which was adapted into a film starring Kevin Bacon. Boom. One Degree.

2. Activision announced today that the rumored Guitar Hero 80's pack is on it's way, featuring such hits as:

- I Wanna Rock by Twisted Sister
- I Ran by Flock of Seagulls
- Heat of the Moment by Asia
- Round and Round by Ratt
- I Want Candy by Aaron Car... I mean, Bow Wow Wow
- Metal Health (better known as Bang Your Head) by Quiet Riot
- Holy Diver by Dio

Even more interesting than the tracks themselves was the announcement that these games will be, "available exclusively on the PlayStation^®2 computer entertainment system."

Yeah, right. If these don't show up on Xbox Live Marketplace for 2 bucks a pop, I'll eat my Explorer.

3. Gametap will begin offering episodic content for Uru Live: Myst Online. Apparently they have all kinds of neat stuff on deck, including the addition of a whole new age (or level) and the chance to meet live with the game's creator, Rand Miller. I didn't really talk about it much in yesterday's article, but Uru Live is an interesting experiment. Not the best game I've ever played, but you know me. I don't like games without chainsaws or tiny collectible creatures.

4. Most importantly, I bought a 360. My gamertag is The Pencil Rain. Don't you mind the fact that most of my gamerscore came from Viva Pinata. I let my imaginary little sister play for like, eight hours today.

A Gametap Companion

As both a gamer and a frequent viewer of Cartoon Network, I had seen the Gametap commercials, and had heard of it's rich libraries of classic games. I was tempted, but thought it to be simply a novelty. I'm very selective about things for which I choose to pay monthly fees.

How very wrong I was. How very, very wrong.

Gametap (which can be found at www.gametap.com), for those not in the know, is an online service that allows you to download a massive collection (over 860 games to date) of games, both classic, obscure, and those little gems that weren't exactly embraced by the retail market.

An example of a game that falls into that last category - the absolutely brilliant yet unappreciated action/adventure title Beyond Good and Evil, which had mediocre sales despite being heralded as one of the greatest games of the year. I'm pretty sure that it was solely responsible for me looking into Gametap in the first place, as it's one of my favorite games of all time.

And the gravy train doesn't stop there - there's tons of amazing games that helped to shape my childhood: every Myst game ever created (including the puzzling yet addictive online entry Uru Live), Crazy Taxi, Earthworm Jim, Burgertime, a few of the earlier Castlevania titles, Chu Chu Rocket, Ecco the Dolphin, Final Fight, Ghosts n' Goblins, Golden Axe, the incredible Gunstar Heroes (another personal favorite), Prince of Persia (both the classic DOS title and the revamped generation), Quest for Glory I - III, Shining Force, Sonic the Hedgehog, Space Quest, Splinter Cell, Tomb Raider, Tony Hawk's Pro Skater, Toy Commander, Ultima, Vectorman, Worms Armageddon, Zork, and last but certainly not least - The Oregon Trail. This was one of the most exciting classic discoveries I made on Gametap, as I spent innumerable hours in my youth blindly leading countless frontier families to their demise at the hands of typhoid and measles.

I guess there are worse ways to go. What? There aren't? Oh.

That's only a handful of the classic titles offered by Gametap. There are many others, drawn from many ancient and sacred wells: 8-bit, Arcade, Atari 2600, Commodore 64, DOS, Intellivision, Neo-Geo, Sega 32X, Dreamcast, Game Gear, Sega Genesis, Sega Master System, Sega Saturn, Sega SG-1000, and Windows. I can promise you will find more than a few classic games that you love in their list, unless you don't play videogames, in which case, why are you reading this? Go play outside or something.

In addition to classics, Gametap is the sole distributor of a few games, namely the aforementioned Uru Live and the Sam and Max series - the holy grail of point-and-click adventure games. After playing through the first two episodes of Sam and Max, I felt like I was getting what I was paying for.

All of these games would be worthless, though, without an accessible and well constructed interface to help organize these hallowed gaming archives. Luckily, Gametap has such an interface. The Gametap program, through which you access every game, is simple and helpful, with recommendations, clear-cut categories, and a system of keeping track of keeping track of any games you've downloaded and played in the past. No games you download are saved to your computer forever, though - they disappear as soon as you deactivate your Gametap account.

Gametap can only function with a Broadband internet connection, which lets them offer some online competitive play in certain games, and allows them to stream clips from games, reviews, and some other clever video content to your PC through "Gametap TV". Also, keep in mind that Gametap is owned by none other than Turner Broadcasting System, so you can stream certain Cartoon Network classics such as Space Ghost Coast to Coast and Sealab 2021 while you wait for Crystal Castles to download.

For those of you who would be scared off by a monthly fee of $9.95 for the premium package, take heed of this startling announcement - starting this May 31, Gametap will offer two different free memberships.

The "visitor" package does not require the user to register with Gametap, and gives the user access to 30-60 games that change frequently, to give the user a sampling of what Gametap offers. Visitors use the "Gametap Lite" interface, a simplified version of the normal Gametap program. Users will also have to endure banner ads before and during gameplay.

The "green" package does require users to register with Gametap, but they are not required to give any credit card information. This level allows access to the same 30-60 games, but allows the user to use the normal Gametap interface, access games of any ESRB rating (age permitting), watch any content on Gametap TV, and take part in the Gametap community, such as forums or competitive online functionality. Also, banner ads will be present while games are loading, but not during gameplay.

The "gold" package does require a monthly fee of $9.95 (or $6.95 if you pay up front for a year), but allows access to every game and Gametap function. The first month of the Gold service is only 99 cents, however - so curious readers can give it a try for less than the cost of a refreshing soda.

If you're like me, and you spent countless nights flying over curbs to get CRAZY MONEY, swinging over crocodile infested waters, building massive cities with the help of Mr. Wright, or collecting blue and red pages to uncover the truth about the linking books - Gametap is tailor-made for you. It's hard for me not to romanticize about their archives - because to me - these are much more than just videogames. They are memories.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I broke a wagon wheel 22 miles outside of Fort Hall, and one of my oxen is sick. I'm 22 miles outside of Chimney Rock - hopefully a kind trader will be able to help a brother out with a spare.

Trailervision - Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare

It absolutely thrills me to see Activision putting out a modern combat title. You see, Ghost Recon and Rainbow Six are great, but lack the... panache of the Call of Duty series. When I play some Rainbow Six: Vegas, I feel like a cog in a military machine, systematically blowing away terrorist scum. Call of Duty sets you as an individual apart. It establishes very quickly - you are a hero, and without you, the war would be lost.

Let's hope the character development and general atmosphere of the previous Call of Duty games carries over when Activision decides to get their Clancy on.

Rock Band Guitar Periph to be Stratocaster, Griffin Poops Pants

From an EA Press Release:

To deliver the ultimate interactive music experience in Rock Band, Harmonix and MTV have secured an agreement with Fender Musical Instruments Corporation, the world’s most respected manufacturer of electric guitars and amplifiers, that will allow the Rock Band game controller peripheral to be modeled after the legendary Fender Stratocaster, one of the most enduring and iconic models of electric guitar in the world. In addition, Fender guitars, basses and amps will be exclusively featured in the game.

“Fender is pleased to be part of Rock Band and the exciting opportunity it offers passionate music fans and gamers,” said Bill Mendello, CEO of Fender Musical Instruments Corporation. “Our friends at Harmonix have done an amazing job of capturing the power and style of legendary Fender products within the virtual gaming experience and delivering it all in the spirit of rock ‘n’ roll.”

To further raise the level of Rock Band’s authenticity, Roland Corporation, the world’s leading innovator in electronic instruments, and BOSS, recognized for its line of guitar effects pedals, have agreed to have their brands featured in Rock Band in-game and via co-marketing.

It will be mine. Oh yes. It will be mine.

Real Time Review: Pocket Pool

I'm trying something different with this one: a real time review. I'll write about it as I play it, to let you, the reader, know my reactions to the game as they happen. It will be like 24, only, instead of Jack Bauer fighting terrorism, it's me, reviewing crappy games.

May 7th, 2007 A.D.

6:37 p.m. I took the protective seal off of the game. I feel as though I have cracked open some forbidden tomb, and wholly expect a plague of locusts to come flying out of the box to devour my face.

6:38 p.m. I would like to share a few excerpts from what is sure soon to be one of the great American Classics of our time - the Pocket Pool Instruction Book. Read from these stunning character profiles (not edited for grammatical errors or stupidity) -

Jelena - Jelena took up the game early. Starting at the age of three, her and her father would spend hours shooting pool in the family playroom. There, the old man passed down secrets from his rough and tumble days.

A touching sentiment, one I'm sure the target audience of this game will enjoy.

McKenzie - A sly and sultry billiard queen, McKenzie is aloof and distant. Her attitude often turns off other players, she is a master of deception and a serious hustler.

Wow! I learned a lot in my English classes, but never mastered the ability to describe a person so clearly. In the first sentence alone, I learned that McKenzie is sly, sultry, aloof, and distant! Unpack those adjectives, Pocket Pool!

Ledbeter - This good old boy keeps his shotgun in the same case with his cue - "for good luck" he says. Don't worry about the gun, though, be more concerned with his cue - because when it comes to shooting pool he didn't just fall the turnip truck.

That Ledbeter sounds like a real zany, stereotypical Appalachian character. And don't you just hate it when you fall the turnip truck? I hate falling the turnip truck.

Remember that scene from Deep Impact, where the asteroid lands in the ocean, and Tea Leoni is standing on the beach with her dad, and she sees the killer deluge flying towards her? That's how I feel right now, only a hundred times more frightened.

6:48 - Opening Cinematic showing now. Oh, good, it's live-action full motion video. There's a scantily-clad woman suggestively polishing a pool cue. Now she's suggestively blowing chalk of the tip of the cue. Now she's lazily and suggestively rolling around two pool balls in her hand. Man, I had no idea pool was such a sexy game! Surely it is the sexiest of all parlor games.

6:50 - Great, there's a tutorial! There's even a little guide to help you through the tutorial:

Hi, my name is Isabelle. Are you ready for a little 'Pocket Pool'? Good. Let me show you how the game is played. At anytime, you can stop this tutorial and return to the Title Menu by pressing the select button. But don't stop now, I'm just getting warmed up.

I think the innuendo receptors in my brain just exploded.

To release your shot, hold down Circle button and press the right button to hit. Mmmm, that must have felt good.

Oh, no, wait. There they go.

7:00 - My first game! Okay, here we go. Let's see, well, there's a number of game modes here, Bonus 9 Balls, Time Attack, Pool 9 Balls, Pool 8 Balls, Pool 10 Balls, Straight Pool, and... Pratice? What is Pratice? Oh, you must mean practice. For a moment, I forgot this game was made by an eleven-year old.

You can choose your room, ball set, cue, character, music, table, and ball speed before a game. I think I'll go with Ledbeter, he sounds like a real charmer.

7:05 - I can see the designers went with an interesting art style; the rarely implemented "Terrible".

7:13 - The soundtrack on this game is wretched. I've heard better droning rock music in Shenmue.

7:21 - My opponent, Paris (named and fashioned after a certain hotel heiress) just sunk 3 balls in a row. Wait, 4. Wait, 5. Going for 6... Got it! And she barely misses 7. Amazing AI on this game! Of course, if I was a program designed to play pool, I'd probably be pretty good at it too.

7:22 - I missed my shot again. Either I'm terrible, or the physics on this game are terrible. And Paris lines up her shot, bounces off six walls, and sinks her ball. I swear, it's like the AI can see into the future.

7:26 - Paris just scratched on the 8 ball. I'm not a pool shark, but I'm pretty sure that means she loses. And yet, the game simply spotted the 8 ball back onto the table, and counted it as a regular scratch. So, not only is the opponent a pool robot, it's a cheating pool robot.

7:28 - I should mention that every time you miss your shot, your opponent calls you on it. "You suck," Paris shouts with glee. "Sometimes it's not good to suck," Paris says, condescendingly. "That shot sucked," Paris notes wisely.

7:31 - Finally, Paris delivers the killing blow in a shot that bounced off four walls. GAME OVER appears in giant red letters as the crowd screams for my death.

My review so far -

Graphics - Wretched.
Music - Wretched.
Gameplay - Not Playable.
Sexiness - Undetermined.

7:33 - Oh ho ho, there is a little option which was unseen before this moment on the title screen - "Gallery". Fully expecting an extremely sexy assortment of ladies in compromising positions around pool tables, I turn all the pictures of my family members away for a few moments.

7:34 - The gallery is completely empty. I assume you must play their crappy game to unlock the naughty photographs, which is a task I can almost promise to be impossible. And with an M rating, not AO (adults only), I can also promise that there are sexier pictures in an Old Navy catalog. Of course, if you were just duped into paying $40 for Pocket Pool, then perhaps you would be more likely to drill into it's uninspired veins, desperately searching for chunks of erotic ore.

Sexiness - Nonexistent.

7:36 - A viscous, black syrup begins to ooze out of my PSP. I stare at it intently as it moans and weeps softly in my hands.

Is this blood? Is this PSP blood?

7:37 - I immediately eject the game, slide it back into it's case, and drive quickly to the nearest Catholic church, where I immerse the game in holy water, destroying it forever.

The End.

I really was going to try to be nicer during this review, as I noticed I tend to be critical to all the games I review. But I can't. There is no redeeming quality to this game whatsoever. The graphics, sound, and gameplay are all terrible - and whatever titillating qualities which may be hinted at by the box art are not there.

Pocket Pool is just the latest in a series of games to try to lure gamers in with sexuality, only to deliver one of the worst gaming experiences ever. I hope, as a subculture, we do not embrace these games, as they not only reflect poorly upon us, they lower the standards of our chosen medium.

"We got Trouble! Right here in River City! And that starts with T, and that rhymes with P, and that stands for Pool! It also rhymes with E, which is a vowel, which is like U, which is also a vowel, and that stands for Unplayable, which is what Pocket Pool is."

Thanks, Harold Hill.

The Oblivion Domino Effect

This reminds me of the good old days in my childhood home, where my brothers and I spent long nights building expansive Rube Goldberg machines with nothing but a Domino Rally playset and some Super Marbleworks. We even had the tripwire which would drop weights from the ceiling, killing cousin Jeff, but launching his body forward, to continue what we called "The Great Pilgrimage of the Bricks."

This is some very impressive editing, however - and probably my second-favorite Oblivion machinima.

Today's Release

Today is the day they release Spider-Man 3: The Movie: The Game. I woke up early and went to Target to get it, even though I already had it reserved at two other stores just in case. So, yeah, I'm a fan. It's rad. Buy it.