A Minsker/McElroy Mario "Party"

Welcome to the Minsker and McElroy Mario Party. To celebrate the release of the latest of those zany parties, "Mario Party 8," we decided to convene at Griffin's apartment and check it out. This is an account of a Tuesday night full of hope and...well...you'll see.

A quick synopsis of the game to newcomers: "Mario Party" is essentially a staple for mini-games, but your ultimate score lies on the game board (which ultimately plays like a board game, but with more cartoon violence). The player with the most stars wins. It's nearly as thrilling as 13 Dead End Drive.

Meet the Players!

Evan Minsker as Luigi!Griffin McElroy as Dry Bones!
Featuring Travis McElroy as Boo!And the computer as Waluigi!



10:50 p.m. - The game has begun. This is the part where the game decides who goes first. Looks like it's the computer, and then Travis, and then me, and then Griffin.

10:55 p.m. - We now get to play the first mini-game. It is a 3 vs. 1 mini-game in which Griffin, the computer and I get to shoot canons at a helpless Travis. Shenanigans are declared, but nonetheless, Griffin and I come out victorious.

Note: the lack of a playable Donkey Kong proves to be severely disappointing.

11:01 p.m. - I lose a mini-game, in which I was teamed up with the computer, due to Waluigi's insolence.

11:04 p.m. - After a dolphin took Griffin to a magic treasure island, he pursues a chest and gets a star. He then takes the lead. May the record show that he is also a rotten cheater.

11:09 p.m. - It is a three on one against Waluigi, and we humans win due to the inferiority of machines. This game is starting to get pretty fun!

11:15 p.m. - Lost all of my coins at the Bowser space. Fits of childish anger are plentiful.

11:24 p.m. - This game is set on an "easy" setting and is ridiculously easy. The map isn't very challenging as of yet and it just seems to be just like the last of the parties that Mario has thrown. Plus there are far too many awful puns for my taste.

11:30 p.m. - I have nearly reached second place after a long stint in third, and I am two spaces away from the star. But what's that? I get thrown back to start? Alas, this has been a tale of heart break and obscenities.

11:45 p.m. - The same thing happened to Griffin. I feel much better about this situation.

12:05 a.m. - After an epic duel between Griffin and I, during which I managed to make my disembodied eyeball get dizzy before his, I steal a healthy amount of coins. Then he gets a star. In other words, the duel proved to be utterly pointless. I am slowly losing interest.

12:09 a.m. - This party is just like every one that I was invited to at high school - sad. Currently, Griffin is in the shower and Travis has nearly fallen asleep on himself.

12:17 a.m. - Morale update:So let's check: I am convinced that this game will never end, Griffin is continuously disappointed, and Travis is asleep.

12:33 a.m. - I have stopped caring. We are on round 21 of 30 and this party is none but soul draining.

12:35 a.m. - Reading the rules to the mini-games has become obsolete. No practice rounds and no seeing what we need to do. Just playing and failing as fast as we can.

12:40 a.m. - As we near hour two of this excellent party, Griffin finds himself two spaces away from the star. He once again gets thrown back to start. Wii remotes are dropped or thrown and the game is over. The drive home will prove to be a long and tear-filled one.

The Winner: DRAW (nobody)

Thank you for reading this heartbreaking tale of what could have been a wonderful party.